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For the "chronologically challenged" PDF Print E-mail
Written by David Minkoff   
Wednesday, 25 April 2012 00:00
  • I feel like my body has got totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to join the aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down and perspired for 30mins. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
  • A reporter, interviewing a 104-year-old woman, asks, "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" She replies, "No peer pressure."
  • Just before the funeral service, the Rabbi goes over to the very elderly widower and asks, "How old was your wife?"  "98," he replies, "2 years older than me." "So you're 96," the Rabbi comments. He responds, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
  • I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypasses, a hip replacement and a new knee. I fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded and subject to blackouts. I have bouts of dementia, have poor circulation and can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. I can't remember if I'm 85 or 92 and have lost all my friends. But thank God, I still have my driver's license.
  • My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
  • I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.
  • I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose, you know. It’s just that some parts of my body are just prone to swinging.
  • It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
  • Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!
  • Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

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