Laugh a little
We all receive jokes by email, but I've found a very large collection of Jewish jokes at a website called aWordInYourEye.com. That website's creator, David Minkoff, has given permission for jokes on his website to be reproduced here.
Unless otherwise stated, all content shown here is:
From www.awordinyoureye.com. Copyright © 2001-2016 David Minkoff
Moishe the Cowboy
In the early 1800's, Moishe had to go to Omaha on business.
He went to the stagecoach office and asked, "How much ah teeket to Omaha?" The clerk responded, "five dollars". "Too much!" he complained. "Anyvay, I ain't got $5, I only got $2, so dere!". "Well you ain't goin ta Omaha for $2, so forget it!" said the clerk. "Liss'n, I got ta get ta Omaha. I got vely imput'n buiness dere. Pliess! Maybe you could do sumtink for me?" "I'll tell you what I can do," said the clerk. "We need somebody to ride shotgun. Gimme the $2 and you could ride shotgun." "Vutaya talkin' ride shotgun? I need ta ride on da stegecoych!" said Moishe.
"No, No! You don't understand!" said the clerk. "You ride up on the top with the driver. You hold this rifle and if you see any Indians, you shoot 'em."
"Vut you talkin' shoot Indians? I ain't never shot no Indians," replied Moishe.
"Listen to me! It's easy. You see an Indian; you point the gun at him and pull this trigger. Just give me the $2 and get up there with the driver," demanded the clerk.
So Moishe climbed up with the driver and off they rode into the prairie.
About 3 hours into the trip, the driver asked, "Ya see any Injuns?"
"Yep, I see vone." said Moishe. "How far away is he?" asked the driver. "How could I know dis?" asked Moishe, who then put his hand in front of the driver's face and held his thumb and forefinger about a half inch apart and said, "He looks dis big; should I shoot 'em?" "Not yet," said the driver. "You'll never hit him he's too far away. Wait 'til he gets closer." Another couple of hours passed and once again the driver asked, "Do ya still see the Injun?""Yep, I still see 'em." Again Moishe put his hand in front of the driver's face and this time held his thumb and forefinger about an inch apart and said, "He looks dis big, should I shoot 'em yet?" "Not yet," said the driver. "He's still too far away. Wait until he gets closer. I'll tell you when to shoot 'em."
Well, this same continued every few hours for several days. On the third day of their journey when asked if he still saw the Indian, Moishe demonstrated the size of the Indian by spreading his arms as far as he could from top to bottom, indicating that the Indian now looked very big. The driver said, "Okay, Now he's close enough. Now you can shoot 'em!"
Moishe hesitated and then said, "Nah, I couldn' shoot'em." "Whadya mean you cain't shoot 'em? Why not?" demanded the driver. Moishe put his hand in front of the driver's face and held his thumb and forefinger about a half inch apart, and said, "How could I shoot 'em? I've known him since he was dis big!"