Abe's dog Benny has not been his usual self for some months, so Abe takes him to see the Vet. 

"So what seems to be the problem with your dog?" the Vet asks.

"Well," replies Abe, "Benny is not only a truly Jewish dog, but he can also talk."

"He can talk?" says the Vet. "You're joking, aren't you?"

"No, I'm not joking," replies Abe. "Watch this!"

Abe goes over to Benny, points to the door, and says, "Fetch!"

Benny immediately starts trotting towards the door, but stops before he gets there. He then turns around and says, "Why oh why do you always talk to me like that? You're always ordering me around when you want something. I feel like a nudnik. You make me sleep on the floor even though you know I suffer from arthritis; you give me farcockteh food loaded with salt and fat which is so bad for my arthritis. You think by telling me it's a special diet food makes any difference? It still tastes like dreck! Why don't you try eating it yourself one day? And do you ever take me out for a decent walk around the area? No you don't. It's always out the house, with just enough time for a short pish and then it's immediately right back home again. How on earth can I meet some nice girl dogs? And I would love to be able to stretch out a little at home so that the pain from my sciatica wouldn't be killing me so much! I should roll over and play dead for real for all you care!"

The Vet is absolutely amazed. "This is absolutely remarkable. I've never seen a talking dog before. But let's get back to why you've bough him in. What's the problem with him?"

"He has a bad hearing problem," replies Abe. "I said "fetch," and Benny thinks I said "kvetch."

nudnik: a silly nuisance
farcockteh (rude): shitty
dreck: rubbish, trash
pish: piddle, urinate
kvetch: complain