Toward the end of the Shabbes morning service, Rabbi Joseph asks his congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

Eighty percent held up their hands.

Rabbi Joseph then repeats his question.

All respond this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Clive Kay, who attends shul only when the weather is bad.

"Mr. Kay, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replies gruffly.

"Mr. Kay, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"I'm 98 years old," he replies. The congregation immediately stand up and clap their hands.

"OK, Mr. Kay, would you please come down to the front and tell us all how a person can live 98 years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The old golfer totters down the aisle, stops in front of the pulpit, turns around, faces the congregation, and says simply, "I've outlived the momzers."

shabbes: the sabbath, which lasts from sundown on Friday to sunset on Saturday
shul: synagogue
momzers: bastards