Laugh a little
We all receive jokes by email, but I've found a very large collection of Jewish jokes at a website called aWordInYourEye.com. That website's creator, David Minkoff, has given permission for jokes on his website to be reproduced here.
Unless otherwise stated, all content shown here is:
From www.awordinyoureye.com. Copyright © 2001-2017 David Minkoff
What a difference this makes
Lionel returns home after getting a First-Class honours degree in Business Studies at Manchester University. His parents, Golda and Ruben, are thrilled because he's promised not only to help his father in his General store, but also hopefully come up with ideas to make it more profitable.
After just one day studying the store's paperwork, Lionel says to his father, "I'm sorry to tell you dad, but you've not been doing it right. You've been putting all your invoices, bank statements, customer correspondence and the like into one large file as soon as they drop through your letter box. As you're taking no notice of them, you're unable to do any proper analysis of your store's finances. But don't worry, dad. I'm going to get you a good accountant to help you out in this area. I'm sure he'll be able to change everything for the better."
"Thank you my boychick," says Ruben, "I knew you could help me."
Three weeks later, Golda can clearly see that all is not right with her Ruben. He's not sleeping well and he's walking around all day long muttering to himself, looking very worried and dejected. He's even begun to shake, and this worries her even more. So she says to him, "Oy Ruben, darling, you don't look too well.
What's the matter, my lovely haimisheh mensch? You know you can tell me."
"I'm sorry darling," replies Ruben, "I just don't feel able to tell you."
"What do you mean you don't feel able to tell me?" says Golda. "I'm your wife aren't I? We've been married for over 25 years. And now you say you can't tell me? You must tell me, bubeleh, so that I can share your concerns and worries. I only want to help you."
So with tears in his eyes, Rubin says, "Darling, our new accountant told me last week that we're bankrupt and that's why I've been walking around in a daze ever since. I'm very worried about it. Should I do this, should I do that? I just can't think of anything. Oy vey, Golda, I think we're in deep trouble for the first time ever and your husband just doesn't know what to do."
When she hears this, Golda says, "The first thing you must do, Ruben, is to pull yourself together because I know what we must do. The answer is quite simple. Thank God, in the 25 years of our marriage, we've always had a roof over our heads; we've always had plenty of nosh on our plates; we've always been able to dress well and go on holiday each year; and we've been able to support our lovely Lionel while he studied. And where, may I ask, did all the money come from if not from our store? And nothing much has changed. We haven't changed, even if we look a teeny-weeny bit older; our store is the same; even our customers are mostly the same. So what then is different? Well I'll tell you Ruben, I'll tell you what's different. We now have an accountant, that's what's different. So we'll just have to get rid of him!"
After just one day studying the store's paperwork, Lionel says to his father, "I'm sorry to tell you dad, but you've not been doing it right. You've been putting all your invoices, bank statements, customer correspondence and the like into one large file as soon as they drop through your letter box. As you're taking no notice of them, you're unable to do any proper analysis of your store's finances. But don't worry, dad. I'm going to get you a good accountant to help you out in this area. I'm sure he'll be able to change everything for the better."
"Thank you my boychick," says Ruben, "I knew you could help me."
Three weeks later, Golda can clearly see that all is not right with her Ruben. He's not sleeping well and he's walking around all day long muttering to himself, looking very worried and dejected. He's even begun to shake, and this worries her even more. So she says to him, "Oy Ruben, darling, you don't look too well.
What's the matter, my lovely haimisheh mensch? You know you can tell me."
"I'm sorry darling," replies Ruben, "I just don't feel able to tell you."
"What do you mean you don't feel able to tell me?" says Golda. "I'm your wife aren't I? We've been married for over 25 years. And now you say you can't tell me? You must tell me, bubeleh, so that I can share your concerns and worries. I only want to help you."
So with tears in his eyes, Rubin says, "Darling, our new accountant told me last week that we're bankrupt and that's why I've been walking around in a daze ever since. I'm very worried about it. Should I do this, should I do that? I just can't think of anything. Oy vey, Golda, I think we're in deep trouble for the first time ever and your husband just doesn't know what to do."
When she hears this, Golda says, "The first thing you must do, Ruben, is to pull yourself together because I know what we must do. The answer is quite simple. Thank God, in the 25 years of our marriage, we've always had a roof over our heads; we've always had plenty of nosh on our plates; we've always been able to dress well and go on holiday each year; and we've been able to support our lovely Lionel while he studied. And where, may I ask, did all the money come from if not from our store? And nothing much has changed. We haven't changed, even if we look a teeny-weeny bit older; our store is the same; even our customers are mostly the same. So what then is different? Well I'll tell you Ruben, I'll tell you what's different. We now have an accountant, that's what's different. So we'll just have to get rid of him!"
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